Kim + Mike = Comedy Superbaby

Kim and Navy Lieutenant Mike are two of the funniest people I know. And they’re both fellow MBAers.

Kim sits in the front row. That pic is Kim with her husband. Kim says things only she can say cuz she’s a cutie. And the things she says are many times a bit snarky. But she says them in such a way that really, all you can do is laugh. Cuz she’s Kim. And she’s rad. She’s the first person I’ve met that I feel could actually get away with murder. The police burst in. She’s standing there with a bloody knife over a corpse and growing pool of red. She looks at the cops and says, “Wow, I killed the hell out of that guy,” and everyone has a good laugh and sends her on her way.

Navy Lieutenant Mike sits the back row. I’m not sure whether he or Kim has sent the class into hysterics more. Mike speaks up when he disagrees with the professor. His responses are effortless, spontaneous, and painfully funny. And the professor usually doesn’t come out looking all that good. He has a way of using the prof’s own argument against them. Almost Socratic. He can do it cuz he’s super bright. My buddy Joe pointed this out to me. Joe sits next to him. Joe used to always tell me how Mike would whisper to him a couple of times in every class and just crack him up. So I tried sitting by him once last year. In Business Communications. It’s true. Within 5 minutes I’d wet my pants I was laughing so hard. Wet pants were just as uncomfortable as I’d remembered them being when I was 3. I don’t have a picture of Navy Lieutenant Mike so here’s Charlie Sheen and some dude in Navy Seals.

This is frustrating. I simply cannot express how funny these two are. I tried to think of examples but I just have vague recollections of my eyes tearing up while trying to keep composure in class. Maybe this one…last Wednesday…

Professor: I don’t want to just give you the answers.
Kim (deadpan): But it’s just so much easier that way.

Kim is about to have a baby. Pretty much any day now. And I’m secretly disappointed that Navy Lieutenant Mike isn’t the father. You know how we’re all pretty sure that Andre Agassi’s and Steffi Graf’s kids are basically going to just be tennis robots? Same thing. I think Kim and Mike would raise Jerry Seinfeld or Dave Chappelle.

Anyway, Sam had pointed out in the comments that I didn’t include Kim as a Hot Accountant Girl. I didn’t know she accounted. But she certainly meets the criteria. And thinking about Kim made me think about funny MBAers which made me think about Navy Lieutenant Mike. I figured that a blog detailing their exploits would be hilarious. But reading back on it, it really didn’t come together. Unfortunately, it’s already that time of year when I really can’t give any assignment/paper/blog post more than one shot. So this will have to do.

Incidentally, I would like to thank Jared (our University of Utah GBSA co-chair and fan of hated rival BYU (where he got his undergrad)) personally for his Brigham Young University (BYU) Cougars drawing attention to themselves only to humiliate the Mountain West Conference (MWC) in front of the entire nation. See, Utah plays sports in the MWC. In football in particular, the MWC is institutionally disadvantaged. I’ll spare you the details but basically we are given less money and respect than other conferences, which if you don’t know, are groups of schools.

For the last few years, Utah has been carrying the banner for the entire MWC. We’re the only team in the BCS era with two undefeated seasons in football. The only non-BCS team to go to two BCS games. That’s as many as every other non-BCS school combined. We won them both. That’s as many BCS wins as the Atlantic Coast Conference who gets to send a team every year. We’re also the only school ever to have a #1 NFL and NBA draft pick in the same year. If none of this makes sense to you, I’m intentionally being vague. Explaining this would take an entire blog. But if you want me to explain I will. In fact, I’m a freak for this and would wet my pants again if someone actually wanted me to tell them about it.

Anyway, Utah struggles alone. The other schools in the conference are not all that competitive with the rest of the country. BYU especially. BYU is in our conference. While Utah digs in its heels and strains in a futile tug-of-war with the powers that be, BYU holds loosely on the rope with one hand and picks its belly button with the other. To illustrate, BYU had zero wins in its last 12 football games against top 25 non-conference opponents.

Until a couple of weeks ago. They beat Oklahoma. On the road. #3 in the nation Oklahoma. Holy crap. They picked up the rope! They’re going to pull! The entire country is watching them now! So what do they do?

They lose. They lose 54-28 to Florida State. At home. Sigh.

Most headlines used variations on the words “exposed” and “humiliated”.

Thanks Cougars. Go back to your belly buttons.

WorkNet…Network…Get it? I didn’t.

This entry is about WorkNet. About a minute ago I was thinking, “WorkNet. That’s kind of a lame name.” Then I realized it’s “network” flipped around and now I’m thinking, “I’ve heard the term a million times and just now figured that out. I'm an idiot.”

WorkNet is this program run by the MBA office where groups of students go and meet big shots in the business world. And I mean big shots. They are taking a trip to Cincinnati in the next couple of months and are going to a Reds game with one of the owners. Then they’re going to meet the CEO of P&G. As in Proctor & Gamble. As in $81.7 billion dollars of sales in 2008. These guys are not unimportant individuals.

In addition to out-of-town trips, they arrange in-the-town trips. Friday we went to Miller Motor Sports Park. The late Larry Miller, Utah’s version of JD Rockefeller, loved cars. He collected Cobras and wanted to build a racetrack that he and his family could race around on. But, like hobby projects tend to do, things got out of hand. What started as a $10 million dollar course turned into a $115 million dollar state-of-the-art motor sports park.

It was excellent. Among others we got to meet the managing director, John Larson, and Larry Miller’s son, Bryan. Bryan is amazing genuine and down-to-earth. I totally wouldn’t be if I were him. I’d be a snobby jerk. He took us around and showed us the entire complex, including his Dad’s collection of cars that I now want.

And the place was cool. Have you seen Dr. Strangelove? Know the war room? And that big round table? They have one of those! I sat at it! It was probably 20 feet across. And as I’m sitting at it I’m overlooking a 4.5 mile road course watching motorcycles race around. From John Larson’s office we could watch the off-roaders jumping around in the dirt. It’s even better than Excitebike led me to believe.

I’m not one to blow smoke. If I think something is lame or useless, I’m not going to say otherwise. Most likely, I just won’t way anything at all. So when I say this was a great time, I mean I really had a great time. The place was great, the people were great, the experience was great. And insightful. Business-wise, there’s a lot going on. The place is literally world class in market that knows nothing about motor sports. And one that’s buried in snow for a large portion of the year. How do you make a viable race venue business out of that? Creatively, I imagine.

So WorkNet…been to one so far and loved it. Gonna try some more.

I need to remedy something. Last year I wrote about the Hot Accounting Girls. There was a glaring omission. I found out last week that my buddy, Ashley, has an emphasis in accounting. For the record, she’s also into health care administration, which I assumed was all she was into. Anyway, had I known last year that she was an accountant, she would have been included with the likes of Jen and Jessie. Ashley is freckly which absolutely busts me into pieces. I think it stems from the crush I had on Cheetarah when I was 8. Anyway, Ash, sorry I left you off. You are one hot Thundercat.